a cinephile

a person who is fond of the cinema.

A status that no one is given, but earned. No one may have labeled me as such, but ever since I was young, I have always watched films.

Phanton Town, Honey, We Shrunk the Kids, Rush Hour, Blue Streak; just some of the films I watched as a kid.

I think I got it from my pops. Back when he worked in Taiwan for a while, he bought a lot of VCDs (not even DVDs). When he brought it back home, I indulged myself of it.

A lot of who I am now may have come from the characters I watched as a kid and as a teen. I remember swinging myself branches to branches when I first saw Tobey’s Spiderman. I also remember how I teared up with Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reaves’ The Lake House. I remember feeling that I am in love with (again) Sandra Bullock’s Two Weeks Notice (I may need to add Sandy to my favorite actors of all time).

Then as a teenager, I remember thinking I was alone in this world even though I’m surrounded by the best cousins, siblings, family, and friends I could ever ask for, all because of De Niro’s Taxi Driver. My short but brutal depression phase may have been influenced by it as well.

But thanks to Marty’s collaboration with De Niro, I learned what makes a movie good or bad, or in most cases, just a bit of alright.

Nowadays, I found myself repeating Mikey Madison’s Anora. Oh, how I wish I knew her personally just to tell her I fell in love with her performance. Such a masterpiece of a film. I thought it was going to be one of those Oscar-bait films, but it wasn’t. Sean Baker gives cinephiles hope. Keep doing you, Sean. Don’t ever succumb to Hollywood. Just keep doing the things you want to do, under no supervision. You are an indie legend, and I hope you stay that way.

The point of this post is, I am a cinephile. I am validating myself. I remember an uncle of mine telling me someone knew a lot about movies. I must admit, I felt intimidated. My unc told me this guy (love him, by the way, he’s such a cool and nice guy so this is unwarranted) can tell where an actor starred in. It felt like competition. And even though that topic was never brought up again, I still feel the self-made competition is still going on. I know that trait of mine, and I consciously stray away from that. It’s toxic. I learned later in life that there is no competition. We are all just trying to survive.

Anyways, where was I. Oh yes, me being a cinephile.

I am one of those who are fond of celebrities and what they’re up to. At least the actors and actresses and directors that I care about.

Robert de Niro is on top, of course. Then, Emma Stone, now Mikey Madison. Then there’s Sydney Sweeney who I have a huge crush on even though she isn’t that good (at least not yet). Al Pacino, Bill Camp, Bryan Cranston, Ryan Gosling, Michael Keaton, Jake Gyllenhaal, Bradley Cooper, and Leonardo Dicaprio. Then Margot Robbie, Anne Hathaway, and Ana de Armas. Just some of the actors I admire.

Martin Scorsese, Quentin Tarantino, Denis Villeneuve, Christopher Nolan, Sean Baker, add to that is Roger Deakins. Just some directors (and a cinematographer) that I look up to.

My dream has been always been to make films. To star in one is more of a fantasy. Scorsese directed Taxi Driver when he was 32. I still have 2 more years left.

If only I had the luxury of just throwing everything away, and start to make my own film. I have so much material.

I hope being a cinephile results in me making my own. I hope its not just a pipe dream.