Robert

Its been a year. A lot has happened, especially the last few days. A very good friend of mine, Robert, just passed away. I’m one of the first few people to know about it and that tells me a lot about my relationship with him.

I made an episode on my podcast about it, hopefully to ease the grief I’m feeling. It helped. But I still find myself as sad as it first sinked into me that he was truly gone.

I made the mistake of revisiting some of our old photos and videos we made just for fun. God, I miss that man so much. I keep regretting not telling him I love him. If I knew this would happen, I would go out of my own way to visit him when I had the time when I went home, even if it means risking my health due to the pandemic. But I didnt. I stayed home, not because I didnt want to see him, but because he decided he didnt want to. And I understand that completely. It was the middle of the pandemic when vaccines were still just being developed. He probably wanted what’s best for his family. It was the best thing to do back then. I just regret not being selfish enough to insists on seeing him. He was just a few blocks away from my home. Literally just a few blocks.

5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I’m in the middle.

I feel awful. I slept all day. I dont have the energy to go to work tomorrow. I’m sad. I miss him already.

But I know what I’m doing now is good, which is catharsis, because I’m just feeling it all now, hopefully get tired of the negative feeling, allowing me to move on from it. Its probably the hardest stage.

I love you, Bert. I really hope you felt that. I might have taken some things for granted, but I always valued you as a friend who made sure you were always there for us, the Mokongs. I appreciate everything you did, from allowing us into your home, to going the lengths just to make us happy and feel that we are your brothers. You were the best friend I could ever wish for, and I’m mad that it takes your passing to make me realize that.

I’ll come see your family, bro. Its the best way to still be with you physically.