Its a recipe for disaster. It doesnt matter if its with friends, family, significant other, anyone. People grow, that is human nature.
As people grow, their desire grow also. It took a while for me to figure that out, but Im glad I did.
I used to easily get attached to people, even the wrong ones, because of the experiences we share and the memories that go along with it. My problem was that I am too sentimental for my own good. I have difficulties letting go of things, even those with little to no value. I cling to memories more than the person I shared the experience it to.
I knew I cant go on like that anymore. I had two whole decades and more to realize that.
I decided to at least try to change that part of me. Although Im afraid because I think thats what made people like me. I dont like it people dont like me. Not everyone I meet would like me. I know because Im like that.
From now on, I would want to be friends with someone because I like who they are, not because of things we both like, or the amount of time we know each other. I dont want to talk about someone because of the time we did this, did that, went here or there. I want to talk about that friend for who they are. How they could make me smile, laugh, feel things. I want to be friends with someone who makes me a much happier person when Im with them, or when I talk to them.
At the same time, if I no longer like that person, I would immediately cut ties with them.
I have been with toxic people before and as bad as they can be, I cant seem to let go of them. No matter how miserable I felt whenever Im with them, I still go with them. Before, I didnt know why, but now that I know, I would do something about it.
I got too attached to memories, if costs me my liberty.
Right now, I am away from my friends. I made new friends, and even they are far away from me. I also managed to gain back a friend I lost before. I miss them. I never knew Id miss them. Even the ones I never met before personally.
I have a friend here, which I consider a brother. He makes me happy when Im with him. We have plenty of memories together, but I dont cling it to it. I am always looking forward when we decide to see each other. We have deep talks when we do. We could stay in his car, fully sober and talk about the deepest things we could talk about. I trust him about things, and he does too. I love him, in a non – romantic way.
Its already 2020 and this is probably the decade where Im expected to have plans to settle down. Fixing myself one step at a time is my approach. I dont want to settle down with someone when I still havent figured myself out already, because I dont want that person to be miserable. I want to be the best that I can be for that person and for myself as well.
I want to feel attached to someone again. I want my name synonymous to hers, and that’s alright. But I want to be properly attached with her, no just because I feel like I need her, but because I truly want to be with her; the person and not a memory of her.
highest in the room 